Housekeeping and me.

So the last three days, I've been dealing with the clutter in one room of the farm house, even though I've made huge strides in the room I feel it is pointless. My mother confessed to me on Monday??? that she doesn't like coming home to the mess that the house is, and she's helpless to do anything about it. Most of the stuff I've been going through is my grandmothers, and since it belongs to the family, one of my aunt's doesn't believe we can go through it unless EVERYONE in the family is present. So we can all of have pick of what we want, well everything that has been left here 7 years ago was stuff no one wanted to begin with, but still we've had to wait. I've gone through most of it...and it's just JUNK, yes there are things that are belong to some of the clubs my grandmother belonged too, I found pictures today, and one basket with a name on it, so I need to run that my great aunt as well as some of those pictures...but nothing else of value. And I'm almost done, I have one box that I haven't started, my grandmother sewing stuff which could be useful to many of my family, books and records. So trust me there is nothing at the moment that stands out and says keep me or that I belong to your cousin because they can't live without me. So as I've done all this work I realize that I feel it's pointless, I don't believe my mother will come home earlier because I've gotten stuff out of the house, I don't believe she will be home enough to help me go through our families belongings so we can open even more rooms, I don't believe my dad will help me get stuff that we do keep moved out so the carpet can be laid for the room. I don't believe they will rearrange the house to suit their needs, and really if I do move I still don't think my mother will want to come home to an empty, but less cluttered house. So today when I was driving home from the Brookston house, all I could think was is me doing this work helping my mother at all, or am I only helping myself by staying here until this mess is cleaned up? And if one person is helped, and the other one hurt in the process is anyone really helped and is the greater need accomplished? So I got home and started text my friend only to have him tell me how HELPFUL, I was being and how much I've accomplished in such a short time alone. Now he didn't know my thought process from my drive yet, but here he was telling me anyway that what I was doing is making a difference, even if I can't see it. I had realized yesterday that Satan is attacking me with my thoughts telling me that I it doesn't matter, and it never will. But for him to just tell me the opposite of what I've been feeling without me having to tell him first...Well we've been keeping the Holy Ghost working overtime and He keeps telling us what to say to each other. I also realized that when I got home I had a long list of things to get done for leaving for the boat and didn't think I would get it done, but while talking to him I was able to get everything done but finishing up the pasta and starting dishes before he had to leave. While washing dishes I realized that maybe a huge part of why I don't feel like I'm doing anything important around the house, despite him telling me I am, is that last fall I was told I couldn't do anything right around the house, and my father never saw what we've done, only that which is left undone at the end of the day. So someone telling me how great I seem to be doing around the house is totally new to me, and for me to see what I have accomplished and not what I haven't, again new. In someway, I do feel that he's telling me to me grateful for the chance to be at home, when all I want to do is be free from the house for awhile. Maybe part of that goes back to working at Purdue as a teenager, and learning that I have to feel that I earned my paycheck, and since I'm not getting a paycheck I'm not doing anything useful...Interesting thought.
Yes, Celeste I know you'll tell me to forget what he said, and how useless he made me feel...I think I'm working on that.