Safe Haven-
I find it interesting that growing up the farm was always my safe haven. It was the place I felt and knew I was loved. Even in my death and destruction dreams, I find myself fighting on the farm. So why do I feel like it's no longer save or even the right place? Partly I feel that bringing Nicholas here, has part to do with it I no longer feel safe here because of him. After spending a week at my Aunt's and Uncle's house it was amazing how I felt. I felt safe, I could relax, and I didn't feel like I was fighting Satan as much...until it was time to come home. On Tuesday,when I was already packed and loaded my car, this feeling came over me were I knew I didn't want to go home. So we came up with an excuse to not to come home, my cousin's birthday. Then Wednesday night again Satan attacked me because I knew I was coming up and I felt like the Spirit was leaving me because of it. After, talking to Doug, I was able to work through some of why Satan is attacking me again about the farm. It's time to get away from here.
Old Dreams-
This week I got a phone call from a massage school in Florida, and I've been looking at this school for the past 2 years. This phone call I got gave me all the information I've been seeking, the cost of tuition, classes, and courses they offer, the length of the programs. I realized the cost of the school is about what William paid at Purdue for a year. She also was very helpful about talking about the program I truly have been looking at and how it might be cheaper to go for two licencing instead of one degree, which opened up more locations I could go to school at. The thought came into my mind that massage is a dream that is now 2 years if not more, and maybe it's time for a new dream. I still haven't completely processed it at the moment, but I know that if we give up something we truly want for something that Heavenly Father wants to give us, we will be blessed for it, more than we can ever imagine. Maybe my dream was only to get me through the hard times that these last 2 years have been. Granted to I still want to study it, yes, but I'm willing to give it up and see what Heavenly Father has in store. I wasn't willing to give up my dream last fall, so why now? Granted he wasn't as supportive as he said he was of me going back to school. I really hadn't thought about not going back to school, I wanted this schooling and I was going to get it. Granted I do have another degree or two in mind also one is genealogy degree, which I think would help my family out A LOT and it's all online so I can be anywhere and taking classes, and I have a new dream that is also kind of old...Now I just have to figure out what to do with it.
I wonder if maybe the school is the old dream...I looked into some different schools in a different location, and found another one that I thought would be interesting, but I don't know about the price. They actually have a study abroad program, and gym in their school for the students to use. Which is something I've been thinking about if I was going to go back for more schooling, and they only have classes two days a week so I could work the other three days...I don't know it's all just thoughts forming in my head, and trying to come up with the right answer.
No comments:
Post a Comment