Let Go and Let God.

I was texting a friend back in May about my sin and how I can't forgive myself, and he replied back, "Let go and let God." I just loved how that sounded, and how simple it seemed, so I started forgiving the past, especially him. I started to realize how the past was connected to my sin and why I let it happen. So I started letting go and letting God take the pain away. It worked, the pain seems to be gone, then last week I read a book that talked about forgiving everyone that you ever felt hurt you, and praying that you would know who you need to forgive and that they forgive you. You do all of this because if you don't forgive others you are blocking blessing that Heavenly Father has in store for you like peace and health, which I need. Now this week I picked up a series that I had read before, but as I reread it I kept seeing the words, Let Go and Let God. It stated that if you try to control your life you aren't trusting Heavenly Father to take care of you, and again your blocking whatever good he had in stored for you. I realized that I try to control my life so much, I know how I want my life to turn out, and I don't mean I have plans.  I don't leave room for any change, I don't leave room for Heavenly Father to guide me to the life he wants for me, because I have trust issues. I don't trust him to want the best for me and help me achieve it. I have always just wanted to be the daughter that He wants me to be, do and live the life He wants me to live, but I don't trust Him to do it...without hurting me, maybe. I have been praying this last year for the job that I feel that He wanted me to have, but I'm not sure how it will come about, which makes me still try to plan out this dream job, even now the job has changed a bit I'm still trying to tell Him how it should be done. It is something that I'm not sure how to Let Go and Let God, I know that if I do He will take control and make it come about which is what I want. So here goes everything I'm Letting Go and Letting God take control of the job I want, all it entails, and letting the blessing come with this job be blessing of His choosing.

Heavenly Father's wisdom and preparation

The one thing I love about Heavenly Father is that he prepares us as long as we listen to him. This last Sunday or Monday a thought popped into my mind of what if I could only get of the two degrees I want which would I go for. I answered very quickly with no hesitation I would go for the Bachelor degree in Genealogy, instead of the degree in Massage Therapy which I have waited two years until I could possibly even start, and have been promised twice that I would be allowed to get this degree, and yet I'm still waiting.  So there was and is a chance that I would be moving to a location where the school is located that I've been looking into for massage therapy but I found out on Tuesday that I may only be in that area for a year which isn't long enough for the degree I really want, but I could possibly be there long enough to get certified in Massage Therapy which would be a great start. One the other hand the Genealogy degree that I found while it would take four years, and I could do it completely online which means no matter where I live in the next four years, I could still be working on this degree. So had I not that this thought earlier, I wouldn't have be as ready to accept the fact that I still might not get the degree I want. I see though that Heavenly Father was preparing me for this and I have accepted that I should get my Bachelor degree, and if possible to the certification in massage therapy...granted I have to have the money to do both, and pay rent to live with my sister.

Rhythm of knitting...and life

This weekend I learned yet another new knitting technique the Kitchener stitch, which is basically sew up a seam in your knitting. As I was trying to figure out this stitch I realized the pattern or rhythm of the stitch, and I had already come to realizes that once I figure out the rhythm of the stitch I could then do it without thinking, to much more about the new stitch. So this got me thinking about rhythms and how life has it's own rhythm, you are born, you learn to walk, you go to school for a very long time, but then that is where I realized I got out of rhythm with live. See in my last semester, in the school building, I knew I didn't want to work after school, I wanted to be a wife and mom. Well that isn't where my personal rhythm has taken me as of yet, so I have resisted my rhythm of life. I haven't been willing to work because, that truly isn't what I want, but what I want hasn't appeared either so now I'm not only out of rhythm, I'm completely out of sync with the music of my life. So now I am learning to find my rhythm willingly and yes be willingly to work because that is what I need to get my rhythm back. I have to learn that even if it isn't the job I want or have had in mind I still need it, and my employer needs me. Even if I'll be moving shortly to a location not yet known. No, I don't have a job as yet, but I still have to be willing to look and accept the ones that come to me.

Healing with knitting

When I started knitting I realized that it was part of my healing process, I was beginning to heal emotional, and spiritual, from the past hurts. I was told in a priesthood blessing that I would be sick, but that I would know the way to heal myself. So as I was packing to spend a week on the boat at Lake Michigan, I packed this book call The Dynamic Law of Healing by Catherine Ponder, it is a book that was bought for me years ago because of my headaches that I suffer from daily...well I never read it, but I read her other book that was bought at the same time The Dynamic Law of Prosperity. Well when this blessing mentioned I would be able to heal myself, this was one of the two ways that popped into my head that it could be done. So I went to the bookshelf that it had been on, and it wasn't there since I had started packing up my books, that had me wondering which of the three or four totes that I have packed was it in. Well I had just emptied one to get rid of winter clothes, so I started with that one, and sure enough it was in it. YEAH!!! Now I have tried to read other self help books before, but I always get caught up in the list of things that I need to be working on and can't seem to finish the book because it just overwhelms me, but I was able to finish this one in 3 DAYS!!! I even took time to stop after every chapter and decide if that was something I needed to work on, I drove to Chicago and then did nothing the rest of the day. As I finished the book I realized that on some level I had been already been working on most of it, through the repentance process, but now I need to send positive thought into and out of my body. So I can work on the physical and mental healing, which is where my knitting is now taking me, to finish my healing the rest of the my body, physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. It has and will continue to be a long process, with many bumps in the road.

Ravelry

Ravelry is a free website for people who work yarn crafts and I have to say I love it. I can find other people who have worked the same pattern I'm about to start and read what tips they have about the pattern, like if there are any mistakes, how they might have changed it to work better for them, and as a beginner knitter this helps me out A LOT!!! I can see what other have to say about the yarn I'm using, I can keep track of what yarn I have, what size of needles I own, and I'm sure there is so much more to it but those are the features I basically use. I can post all my pics. there and make my own notes, I can save patterns for future use off of the internet, I can track my knitting and crocheting library. It tells me how many projects I've started, and which one's I'm still working on, which is 16 started projects and 12 finished, I think.

Priesthood Blessings

I have to admit I love priesthood blessing, I love that the can forewarn you of what's about to happen. In the last two it has mentioned my health which has me worried and wondering, and kind of laugh that at least I get a heads up warning. It's also amazing how fast I start getting sick right after those blessings, though. Right now I wouldn't classify me as sick yet, but a sore throat and an ear that is acting funny. So I'll wait and see what happens with this but for now I know that my doctor's office is amazing if you sound really sick they try to get you in as fast a possible, but I have to say I'm tired of being sick...especially with colds. I feel that with a cold you're not really sick, your just not as healthy as you could be so I continue to push myself because I'm not sick. But if it were something that is so much bigger than 'just a cold,' I would have no problem knowing that I'm sick and figuring out what to do or even call the doctor earlier than the point that my throat is so swollen that I can't breath or swallow.

More Yarn

The two purples are for the cousins, and the green one is for my grandmother.

I have to laugh because my father were in Wal-mart to really just waste some time, so we went back to the clearance aisles when he spotted some yarn, it is similar to some I had used to make my Christmas shawls for my sisters, mother, and myself.  He made a comment that the colors would make some nice shawls...I let the comment go. Then I realized he was basically giving permission to buy more yarn, I realized that probably won't happen very often so today I bought some to make more Christmas shawls for two cousins, and my grandmother.

Socks, socks and more socks!!!

These are call soctopus from the book Thinking Outside the Sox.

I finished my first pair of sock, they're going to be to big for my four month old niece...but oh well, so much for using the yarn I have and not buying any more for the project.
Her big sister is getting these.

These are caterpillar lace also from Thinking Outside the Sox.

We All Bleed Red

In March I was asked to work for my mom, I didn't want to but I did it. The first week started well, I thought maybe this wouldn't be so bad, I was back in the kitchen again, I was open myself up for the first time since Nov...then came the missing keys. I had go to a church activity on Thursday night, when I went to get my car key the next day for work they weren't in my jacket, so I looked in one other place, before calling my mother to let her know and inform the manger, (which I would have done personally, if I had her number.) Then figured out a plan with my mother before I looked any further. Sure enough I didn't have them, they were in my mom's car 25 miles away. So I made it to work and hour late...only to walking to a conversation about how I was getting special treatment because I was the boss' daughter ( if I had gotten special treatment I wouldn't of had to show up at all...or at least in my mind, and I got there as fast as I could as it was.) Well I heard it, but acted outwardly that I hadn't but inside I was PISSED!!! My mother has never allowed her children to ever get special treatment because of her, if we got it we EARNED IT PERSONALLY.
Well the woman who said it found out that I heard, and asked my mother if there was a way that we could meet up so she could apologize to me personally. She was told to send a card, and maybe I would agree to meet up with her. I found out on Tuesday that this was going down, then received her card the next day. I've been trying to if I was able and ready to forgive her, so I prayed about it and came up with an interesting answer. I was really hoping to have time to make it happen, but when I got the card I was still trying to decide if I was ready to forgive her when the thought popped into my mind, "You've been waiting to know that you've been forgiven of your own sins, do I think her waiting is any easier. And that she want's to have this burden lifted  just as much as me."  I knew at that point I had to call her now, and not make her wait any longer for her to ask for forgiveness. Then I continued to pray that I'd be able to accept her apology sincerely.
So at lunch, she wouldn't let me hid my pain, she made me look, instead of letting me kind of laugh it out and drop my eyes so she couldn't see the pain. I told her that I had prayed that I would be able to accept her apology, to which she replied, "You should never have to accept someone hurting you, just their sincere forgiveness."  She doesn't know how much that helps me. I made it through the rest of lunch really enjoying it and talking, then on the way home I heard the song "We All Bleed Red," and I feel that was my answer to my pray about forgiving her...now I only have to learn how to apply it to forgiving myself for letting someone else hurt me.  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ElCIGdLx4UM
 I also feel that my putting her first helped me accomplish my impossible need to finish my niece's sock, so she can have it when Grandma and Grandpa come to visit.

God's wisdom.

My father was looking for some training that could help him get a raise...there was one he was really looking and wanting to attend but didn't get the grant money to attend when he was hoping to. So he asked to go to HASPA training in New York, this week, it wasn't the training he wanted and really wasn't sure what it would really do to help him, but it was more training for his job. When he arrived in New York and started his training he found out that if he passes the test at the end of the week, his name will go on an international list for HASPA inspections. He will also be the only person outside of Texas, and New York with this training at this moment, the instructors are really excited that he is there. They figure that he could be able to handle any inspections that cover the Midwest states, which will help the inspections happen quicker since he will be in the area, instead of the instructors having to travel from Texas to do them. My father also has realized that NO ONE at Purdue has this kind of training which may help him in getting a raise, because who else can say they are on an international inspection list???
No one of the thing that my father wants the most right now is that my mother be able to quit her job since it stresses her out A LOT!!! and she spends 12-14 hrs a day at work. If my father is able to get the raise he wants, and get to do inspections that will put him on a federal pay level for each inspection he does...it may help him get that wish...now all that is left to do is sell a house and a boat.  The other plus is that if he has to fly to the locations of the inspection...that means more flight rewards, and possibly more hotel points, which means he might still be able to travel and see his kids wherever we may be.
Is anyone else seeing God's wisdom in this this??? And at some level I see God's humor in this also.

the original crazy quilt

The whole quilt...almost.

Some pictures to show the amazing details.

There is a feather stitch and a flower stitch in this pic.

Just look at all of the different stitches in this one pic.

The orange block has a flower stitch at the base of it.

A better pic. of the flower stitch.

My mother inherited a crazy quilt from her grandmother Runkle. I remember looking at it as a child and seeing the different embroidery stitches, and wondering how they were done. It intrigued me that you can take different shaped pieces of fabric, and stitch them together and make a beautiful quilt out of them. So I wanted to share pictures of where my inspiration came from to make my own crazy quilt.

Seed Stitch and Double Seed Stitch

Seed stitch is created by knitting one stitch, then purling the next one to the end of the row and the last stitch of the rows is the same stitch you start the next row with.

Double Seed stitch is created my doing two rows of the seed stitch  pattern the same then switching to the row of the pattern.

This now means I have enough blocks to do one complete row!!! Wow, that even surprises me, now I just have to finish some other knitting projects so I can get back to it.

A Rose is a Rose

A rose is a rose, is a song I heard long ago and loved. It made me start thinking about roses and how there are so many different types. I began to see women as roses, you have some small and dainty ones, you have some that are only beautiful looking, but are very fragile, you have some without any scent, or some without thorns. Then in a book I read about wild Scottish roses that grow big, thick, nasty thorns on them to protect themselves. When I read the description of those roses, that had thorns hard enough to pierce a man's skin, I knew that was me.  All my life I have been covered in thorns, to protect myself from getting hurt by others...but now the Master Gardener has come along and has removed the thorns, that I have built around me to protect me. Have thorns had protected me, but hurt me at the same time, it kept those away who truly would have cared about me if I had let them. Now, He has gently removed the thorns and is teaching me that healing comes from having the thorns removed, and letting the places they had been heal. The interesting part of all of this is that I'm now stronger without the thorns, and I was with them, because I'm letting the Master Gardener, heal me and help me grow. I'm now a rose with very few thorns or at least much smaller ones, someday I probably won't have any at all.

Reverse Stockinette Stitch Stripe

Reverse Stockinette Stitch Stripe.

This is the fifth block I've completed for my quilt. Memorial weekend was spent on the boat at Lake Michigan, and we had a tornado warning. So I gathered my knitting and went to the bathhouse with it, I proceeded to knit through the storm, and meet a lot of women from the marina that I didn't know. They asked me questions about what I was making then later in the weekend would comment how I had finished and started a new block. It was an interesting way to meet different people, and it will be interesting to see what happens as the summer goes on.