Talking with Eli

I have to say this and in a place where I can't get in trouble from my sister for it...this is the second time I've been able to talk to my sister and get something important from it...not just listening to her talking about breast feeding, and other mommy things that I don't want to listen to for 2hrs plus. So I have to wonder if this goes back to my priesthood blessings and being told to talk to my family and to share with them my thoughts, feelings, and concerns. Granted even now it is mostly her talking, but with at least me, I do actually am starting to get to be able to share some myself...just not about breast feeding...today, maybe tomorrow though :) I'll share last weeks helpful hints. Since I've been talking to Doug from Iowa and seeing how hard it is to date with a 6 hrs drive separating us, she mentioned I should plan a trip to where he lives and do so serious job hunting in person for about 3 weeks, since I've used google to really look up what I'm already interested in for a new city...so that is in the works. I think I'll head out for a week while my parents are visiting grand babies... Then I called her about genealogy, I was looking for some female temple names which she didn't have. But she gave me an amazing idea about how to organize my temple names for Doug, so he would know which could be seal right after finishing their endowments and which of them couldn't. So what we did is take a temple envelop, you know the kind you get back after printing a new batch of names, and probably have a lot of...okay those. Look up each name individual and check if their father's work has been done if it has place it in a newly marked envelop "Ready to Seal." We then wrote that name on the outside of it with whatever work he has to have done before he can be sealed. That way when Doug, goes through the temple all he has to do, is look before he goes in if it can that person can be sealed afterwards or not. When he's done he can also put the name back in the correct envelop without my help...we hope. If the father's work isn't done that name gets place in an envelop marked, "Not Ready to Seal," or to something of that effect, and again the name and what work needs to be done is on the outside of the envelop. Now what my sister does so she makes sure to place the person back in the right family, since we've always tried to group them by family, is she takes the paper clipped family and paper them to the outside of the envelop while she's doing the work for that one person. So when she's finished for the day that name can be group back to their family very easily which I like also. You could as then keep it there when you leave so you could work on that one family until you've done all their work, instead of just grabbing a name at random. Tomorrow I'll share's today's helpful hint, but I want to think and talk it out with Doug first...sorry. Stay tuned until tomorrow.

Why I believe Wednesday Missionaries and Priesthood Power

. This event in my life holds a special place in my heart because it helped through a difficult time. I remember the day I was told my grandmother was in a hospital in Indy, my parents asked/told me I would need to pack so I could take care of my two younger cousins so my aunt could focus on my grandmother. I remember during the drive to my aunts just praying for the missionaries of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, to show up at some point so I could get a priesthood blessing to help me be calm, and have the ability to help with my cousins. I prayed that prayer everyday not sure how and when it would be answered but knowing it would be. The oldest cousins was in school, kindergarten, I believe and I was home with the youngest all day. It was hard, my aunt and uncle had just switched phone service and I couldn't call long distance to my family, I was getting daily updates from my father every night and him calling to make sure I was doing fine. My uncle was working, then going to work basketball games, and then heading to the hospital to check on his wife and mother-in-law, so the kids didn't see him or their mother for most of that time. All the had was ME??? I remember one night both of my aunts who were staying at the hospital came home to take the oldest to a basketball game for her. I had a question I wanted to ask my aunts but wasn't sure how they would react to it, so I went to bed. I couldn't sleep so I went back out and talked to them and asked if it would be okay with them for us to have someone give grandmother a priesthood blessing, they agreed and told me to never be afraid of asking or talking about something that is important to me with them. So, Elizabeth Thomas, called me back and I told her we had permission to have someone give grandmother a blessing. I don't know how it was arranged all I know is that it was. That weekend as all of the family gathered, including me and the two that I was watching at the hospital. The two priesthood holder from Carmel, IN came and gave the blessing. I remember them saying how impressed they were that the whole family was there. It was a blessing that gave me comfort, and peace, but before I could ask them for one of my own they were gone. So I continued to pray and even know I am so amazed by what happened. See I was home alone most of the time, and missionaries can't come into a house with a single women or maybe even a women alone (not really sure which it is but I know definitely single woman.) So in the middle of a really cold January I was trying to figure out how was I going to get this blessing. I figured the front porch or the garage with the door up might be the best I could do, or I knew one of the neighbors was a stay-at-home mom, if that would work those were my choices. But Heavenly Father had a different plan and a better plan: on Martin Luther King day, my uncle stayed home from work, my aunt came home from the hospital, and bright and early two missionaries showed up at the door. My uncle invited them in partly because I was standing in the doorway with them, because I needed to talk to them, and because he felt they had the chance to come out of the cold themselves for a bit. They were able to give me the priesthood blessing I was needing at the time to help me comfort and be calm for my younger cousins. I'm not sure I did all that the blessing asked of me, but I know that Heavenly Father sent them to me the only day I could have gotten the chance to talk to them, and get that blessing. That is why I KNOW and BELIEVE missionaries are inspired by the Holy Ghost to go where they are needed, and one of the reason I believe in the priesthood power.

Music

This has been an interesting week concerning music, it started when I drove back from Nauvoo the song the House that Built Me, came on and one line jumped out at me. Then I was lying in bed trying to go back to sleep later than night and the words from I Am a Child of God, came into my mind. I've always loved the second verse and this time it really hit home...Come little child... to me it was like an invitation for children to become a part of my life either through me giving birth to them or by any other way. Which was an interesting thought considering my own fears for my natural children, but I found it very comforting. Then Keith Urban's song Without you, talks about the miles in between them and how somehow they ended up together? or finding each other. I thought that was very fitting to what is happening at the moment. Then a line from You and Tequila (wow I actually spelled that right on my first try.) Make Me Crazy, the line One is one to many but One is never enough, reminded me of a conversation with my brother about kissing and how careful we'll have to be in the future. I also guess the songs really started at the dance in Nauvoo, when I heard Just a Kiss Goodnight, which I heard for the first time one the way to talk to my branch president during the repentance process. I had been thinking on the way up how was I going to prevent this in the future, and that song came on so I turned it up and through the static I got the jest of the song. Only to have the president ask me the same question, and I of course laughed because that had been my thoughts on the drive and because I had the answer. Luckily he knows me and how I react to music so he knew that it really was my answer to my prayer and thoughts. So to hear it as I was dancing with Doug was fun because it reminded me of the answer to my prayer and the promise I had made to the president. I think that were all the songs that talked back to me this week.

Nauvoo part 2

Since Celeste asked for it I'll finish giving my recap of the weekend...So I last left you with me thinking (I know that comes as a shock to everyone, me thinking) at the Nauvoo Temple. After I finished the work I was doing I hurried to out to met the two guys I came with, Doug and his friend James, hoping I hadn't kept them waiting to long. Only to find out I was the first one done YES, they weren't waiting on me, then came the fun part of trying to round up my sons, that where to be baptized. Only they didn't have them and I didn't have the sheet or even the knowledge of a their names or know if they even got done. So I was given the names that the guys had done endowments on the temple workers hoping those where the names I was looking for, but they weren't. So we hurried up to go back to Camp Nauvoo, and get my sheet of paper with my sons names on it, the guys changed quickly hoping to make it back to the temple then go and see the Joseph Smith movie, no such luck. By the time the guys got change we had a few minutes to either head straight to the movie and hope we didn't forget the names or skip the movie an go to the temple. We went to the temple which was a good thing, I got my names and as I walked out there was a girl that I had seen at the conference waiting for a ride. Okay, I didn't realize she knew Doug or James, so I asked if she wanted a ride back to camp, she said no she'd wait so I got in the car. Doug was out and trying to help her to decided to go with us, at this moment maybe I should add that since she knew them and wouldn't get in the car still maybe I should of taken that as a hint to get out of the car. LOL! After Doug seriously trying to get her in the car, he finally offered her popcorn, just to get her in the car and back to camp so us girls could change before going site seeing. At the offer of popcorn, I started laughing...I mean we're taught not to get in a car with someone offering candy but popcorn is safe I guess, and Doug realized the moment he said it how wrong it sounded and I would have catch it and he would be in trouble for saying and would hear about it later, and boy did he. Lol. So we go back to camp I change faster than the other girls gets out of the car and walking towards Doug, needless to say he was impressed. We go to the visitor center to find the people the girl was suppose to get a ride from...no such luck. But I saw an amazing pic. of the Nauvoo Temple by the upstairs offices and one of the missionaries reluctantly took me up there for a closer look, only to that what I thought looked like water from the main floor really was WATER, so we asked questions about where the water came from, and it also has lightening in the background, you couldn't tell that from the main floor. So I'm happy we got a closer look at it. We walked out by the Women's Monuments, waiting for the movie to end and find the girl who rode there with us. Found her, she didn't find her ride to the temple so we went back to camp and tied fleece blankets which was interesting and eat. Then head out to kill time before the dance, we went down Parley Street to the Mississippi. What I loved about that was the marker of all how died on the trail, on the other side it says "To Those Who are Lost From Our Records, but REMEMBERED Unto the Savior." That really hit me...we can trace our genealogy back to who came over to American but can't seemed to go beyond that point. I feel that they are lost to us, when I went to the Chicago Temple last time I was told that "my sons," would help, which is why I call them that. I was also told I might be surprised where I would get the help to find them. So I realized before Nauvoo, that they are lost to me but God knows where they are, how to find them, who will help, and even who will find them. I don't care if I find them, I just want the family to be able to find them so we can start their work and move forward...if going back in the past is moving forward. Then last night as I was reading my scriptures I came in Luke 15:8 that says: 8 ¶Either what woman having ten pieces of silver, if she lose one piece, doth not light a candle, and sweep the house, and seek diligently till she find it? 
Okay, not sure that is quite the scripture I was reading, but it has the main point if I seek my family diligently I will find them or those that can help will come into my life. It just tied into what I've been working on and how I feel about getting beyond where I'm at. Okay so back to Nauvoo...we went to the dance and the chaperon that I had talked to the night before was there (he wasn't suppose to be.) He made a comment about how he'd seen me all night with guys where were they I pointed behind me. I said they had my back, we danced and I go back to sit down. Then later I realized that I was not being involved just sitting back and watching so I texted him and told him I would stop hiding and start dancing. So I dance a portion of the dance before the lights and jumping got to my head. We played a game of croquet, and he went back to dancing...the night end with me getting a head massage from him which helped and me laughing about how it was to bad he couldn't go home with me, (should of offered popcorn,) because I would really need a head massage after that drive. Sunday, I drove Doug to choir practice so I could go back later and get the girls he offered rides too and he could still do what he wanted to do since he had gone out of his way for ever one else. At the testimony meeting, one of the guys from Mexico bore his testimony about how Christ teaches us to love everyone, later I applied that to one of the lesson about DENIM SKIRTS in the chapel and we should spend our times obsessing over the stupid little things that people do, but instead let go of the DENIM SKIRT MOMENTS and focus on LOVING the person instead. It was a long way drive home trying to figuring a Denim Skirt moment from the weekend, I have to say it would be hard for me to love that person. Anyway, I also heard a testimony about how coming home from a mission is hard on the R.M. because he doesn't KNOW his family any longer since it been 2 years of changes for him and his family. NOT what I wanted to hear, it almost had me crying, not with baby boy just submitting his paper this last week. It's hard enough to think of two years without him, but for him to not know us anymore...not cool. Pretty much that was the end of the trip to Nauvoo, a sack lunch with Doug and I talking before we both had to drive home, finalizing some arrangement's about him coming to the boat in Oct. and that was it. 
Again I hope you enjoy my thoughts, comments, and commentary on my trip to Nauvoo. Thanks for sticking with it and making it to the end. 

Why I believe Wednesday: Temples, and Eternal Families...

Before I start I guess I should explain that I belong to the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, you may of heard us called the LDS church or just the Mormon. That is who, what I am and what I believe (start nasty comments about me now.LOL) Last week I talked about the broken road I have taken, and how I started on a healing road recently. This weekend I had the chance to the Nauvoo Temple, in Nauvoo IL, usually when I'm in the temple I feel rushed by my own time schedule especially if I've made the drive to Chicago on my own and have to make it back yet. This time, yes I made the 6 hrs drive by myself but I wasn't worried about the drive back since I had one more day in Nauvoo before coming home. So I really got to enjoy the time in a peaceful, quite, and calming building. I had time to think and ponder about what I was actually doing in the temple that day. What we do in the temple is we bind our families in an eternal family. And for a girl that comes from an broken uneternal family this is important to me, I want to have an eternal family. I want my family to be fixed eternal family, meaning I want ALL of my family to be with me in heaven not just a few scattered people here and there. So by doing ancestors work we are building up our family the only way we can at the moment by connecting the past, granted there will be a gap in our work and we accept that. So Saturday in the temple I was able to see how my Broken Road was a road that at each turn took me to the temple. When I was on my internship I was able to go to the Orlando Temple on my day off twice a month, and start building my testimony of temples and the work we do there. I also realized that even if I could go into the temple because it was closed, I wanted to be where I could look at it and feel that peace. When I came home I didn't take the time to go as much, but come May I had the chance to go to Utah...and boy did I go to the temples then. I went to as many different temples as I thought I could convince my sister to go to and had fun. Then I came back and dated a guy who made it a point to go each month...that lasted a short time but the work that I was able to get done during that time helped me more than I had thought. I then started making that drive by myself, and got more work done and families sealed for time and all eternity, which is the whole point of temples. So for the first time I was able to see the best thing that came out of my last two years, it wasn't about the two guys I dated, it was how they were able to help get my work to where it is now. My journey has been one of building my testimony of temples and eternal families. That is why I believe.

Nauvoo part 1

So on Thursday night I was talking to Doug, and it came up that the YSA conference he was going to was in Nauvoo that weekend. I meant to ask him about the conference on Wednesday when we talked, but instead we talked about job hunting. Which I felt was very important to me at the time, and so I forgot to ask him about it before it was bedtime. So here it is Thursday night, and he was like oh, you would have come if you'd know it was going to be in Nauvoo? Which then very quickly became could you come now that you know. Because my dad had purchased 40 pounds of green beans that would need to be canned, I wasn't sure I'd be able to go. So when my mother got up I asked her. I told her it was stake conference at Michigan City, and I didn't want to run into my ex-boyfriend, I didn't have to teach, didn't want to drive alone AGAIN to the Chicago Temple for a poorly attended tri-stake temple trip, and I hadn't really planned on going to the boat anyway, so all of those things worked in my favor, and of course, Dad's approval and willingness to can green beans without me, if I took the time to wash up jars before leaving. So I tried to go back to bed for a little while since I hadn't rest well all night due to the uncertainty of going, or not going, and the want to go and the possibility of seeing Doug again for the first time in 2 months of communication.  I had to then of course wake up, shower, pack, eat, and exercise so I could be on the road about noon. When I was getting ready to leave...I started to doubt since I didn't have housing or the money for a hotel right at that moment I got a text saying I could sleep in a tent with other girls that Doug knew. I was amazing to realize that right as doubt started to come in God sent the answer I need to go ahead and go to Nauvoo. It was of course a LONG drive, and a one point I was laughing at how I didn't want to drive to the Chicago Temple but was willing to drive a much longer distance to go to Nauvoo knowing I would have time with Doug. I made it there safely and went to the Temple first, so I could have a few family names printed before the sessions on Saturday. I then found my way to where I was to go, and met up with one of the girls I was rooming with. She took me under wing completely and helped me get registered, FOOD, and a ride to the dance that night so I wouldn't have to drive any further. That night was kind of a blur because of Emily just helping get settled and I was exhausted from my drive. At the dance, of course, I was me found a chair, sat down, and watched or at least until this chaperon made me move by him, then the fun really began. He would introduce me to different unsuspecting young men and try to get them to talk, or dance with me. It truly was entertaining, or he would point out young men for me to avoid, or that were safe in is mind. At no point did he ever ask my age, so the could actually introduce me to guy closer to my age than 19. So after laughing a lot with him, and the poor guys he brought over the dance FINALLY ended.
With Saturday morning, came the knowledge that I would met Doug. So I went to the Nauvoo stake center, and organized my family temple names one last time, before handing them over to Doug to finish, and hopeful make it easier for him to know what work is able to do for each individual. Then I waited, and watched for him to show up. Then he did, and then I could focus on the speaker who was the Temple President, he had some really funny stories and thing I hadn't thought about or didn't know. He talked about how Joseph Smith had promised his son Joseph III that he would be the prophet. But because he wasn't faithful to the promise and blessings given him. That promise went to Hyrum's son Joseph Fielding Smith, then to his Grandson Joseph F. Smith, and that Richard M. Ballard (think that is the right apostle,) is also of Hyrum's family.  We then went to 3 different lessons and then to the temple. At the temple I was given a lot of time to think and ponder, but one of the two things that really caught my attention was that I knew I was going to be handing over my son's (male family names) to Doug on Oct. 7th which was the "next time," I was planning to really see him. So I knew I would have to get them ready and organized, but Sunday when I came home from the boat I realized I wanted to do that on Monday, so I did. Later in the week I talked to Elizabeth and found a way to help him know how much work each son needed done at the moment. Had I not do it Monday, I wouldn't of been ready to hand those names over this weekend. Does the three weeks really matter, I don't know I know Doug isn't "planning" on going to the temple before the 7th, so I would say not really, but that is now and how know's what the next few weeks will bring. All I know is Heavenly Father helped me be prepare even though I wasn't aware I was going to need to be that quickly, and I'm so grateful that I was.
If you made it this far in my thoughts and happening of this weekend you are a true friend or really bored, so I'll give you a break for now and come back tomorrow with part two.

Why I Believe Wednesday Bless the Broken Road.

A couple of my friends to "Why I Believe Wednesday's," and they post them elsewhere, I could post mine there also but very few people could read it there so I'm placing it on FB. Back in July, I heard the song "Bless the Broken Road," and I know I've talked a little about it but this time I won't hold anything back, no more lies, lines and half truths...well almost. My broken road started two years ago and took me through HELL to then take me to Rockford, IL. I've always knew when your mentally not ready to be in a relationship you shouldn't be in one. This didn't stop me from going into my second relationship in two years. It's fun to be in a relationship and realize that he's trying to control you, or yelling at you with the sole intent just to make you cry just to prove that he has that kind of power over you. Or to realize the real reason behind him calling off the wedding is because he really thought I would just let him control me completely and then realize that I would never make it as easy as he would like it be. When I was in the relationship I could see and get only part of the abuse but until the day I drove away for the last time did I fully get it. I was almost outside the town limits when it felt like this veil had be lifted from my mind, and for the first time MY THOUGHTS were back, I could once again think for MYSELF, the promises that I had made years ago came back. The lessons I was taught by my protectors can back in full force. The only way I can truly describe what happened is using this scripture Ether 4:15 from the Book of Mormon : "Behold, when ye shall rend that veil of unbelief which doth cause you to remain in your awful state of wickedness, and hardness of heart, and blindness of mind, then shall the great and marvelous things which have been hid up from the foundation of the world from you—yea, when ye shall call upon the Father in my name, with a broken heart and a contrite spirit, then shall ye know that the Father hath remembered the covenant which he made unto your fathers, O house of Israel." It was like the veil was rend and only once it was lifted could I see that Heavenly Father was there the whole time trying to get me to listen to Him and help me out of my HELL. There really isn't a day that goes by that I'm not thankful that He really did finally find a way to get me out even if it meant convince the guy I would never give my control to him completely.

A few months later I was at a church dance where I had walked out of the church building to avoid a song, I ended up spending the rest of the time talking to a guy. At the end of the dance the guy wanted my number and even though I enjoyed talking to him I could tell that he really want more than I could give him. I also felt that I was lying to the guy part of the time which didn't give me confidence about giving my number to him...I wasn't sure he would be able to understand my Hell and the choices I had made. So I didn't give it to him and over the next few months realized how much I really needed a friend to talk to and almost wished I had taken the guy up on the offer. So I ended up being HIGHLY ENCOURAGED, to attend a Young Sexy Adult conference in Rockford, IL...where I heard "Bless the Broken Road," which really helped me to see that there really is a reason for the path I've taken. Not long after that song and pray that I had prayed, I was asked to dance with I guy that I had met there and he asked for my number. This time I realized how much I needed someone to talk too, already felt guilty over saying no the time before, so I gave me number. With having someone to talk to, the changes I've been making already in my life, knitting, and teaching Sunday school. I've gotten of the Broken Road and started on the Healing Road. I know that Heavenly Father has been guiding my steps because I can see how I needed to go through part of the past two years to get to where I am now. There where just times I stopped listen, but that didn't mean He left me, he was waiting for me to return back to him. He is always waiting with open arms no matter how long it takes us to get back to him, but two years were enough time for me...this time. That is Why I Believe.

Using my brain...

I had this interesting thought today, when I was finishing up my degree, I was taking 2 classes when I started dating, after finishing one of those I added a new classes. When I was taking the first to classes, my boyfriend was okay with me being in school because I needed his help on one of the classes. After I started the last class, he didn't like me being in school, because I didn't need his help with it. So here is what caught my attention this morning, as long as I need his brain and knowledge it was okay, but the moment I no longer required his brain and knowledge it was no long acceptable. I was thinking for myself, using my knowledge and my brain to him that meant he wasn't able to control me and that was wrong to him. I comment about my sister's marriage that once she got married he took her brain and she was no longer to think for herself. I really know that was where I was and how I did it for a month and a half I don't know...but glad it wasn't six years and counting.