On the Road to Damascus

Today during Sunday School we talked about Saul, I found it interesting that he had gotten permission to go to Damascus to bring the Saint to jail, that was the point of his journey...but something happened on the road that change his whole trip, and life. Christ appeared to him and that changed his intent for his journey. The thought that immediately popped into my head was...I'm on the way to massage school, but what is really going to happen instead. How many times in our lives do we think we know what we're doing and where we're going only to find a new course of direction. I thought I was going to Walt Disney World to save up for a mission, before I left I knew I wouldn't have enough money...but I went anyway. It changed my life, my roommates became my best friends, I loved the work, but destroyed my immune system, which taught me an important lesson on work, learned to let people in, learned how to hide my heartache. I had an amazing time with my family that came to visit, and learned that I need water. I thought I was getting married this Christmas, instead I learned the healing power of the Atonement, how much it truly does cover, and that nothing is to big for God, Christ, and the Atonement, when they say everything...THEY MEAN EVERYTHING. Now I don't quite know how my road is going to start or even where it takes me, but I ready to start my journey to Damascus.

YEAH!!!!

One of our old boat neighbors commissioned some red fishnet stockings from me awhile back, but she know I was trying to get some projects done for my nieces. Since my parents were going out there to see them, and I wanted to get them done so grandma and grandpa could take them. Then when she saw the octopus legs on one of the socks, she told me she wanted a scarf with them as fringe. So I was able to see her today, and show her a book to figure out which scarf she wanted, she picked on I have already done, then found gloves to go with it (which I wanted to do anyway.) Then she just kept looking and said a dress and sweater for her granddaughter...and pretty much anything I want to knit, if she likes it she'll commission a second on to make. LOL. I can't believe it, she'll pay for the yarn and time for her projects. YEAH!!! This is kind of what I want to do with my knitting anyway, even if it only covers yarn cost and a little more so I can knit for the church at the same time, without using my income, when I get one that is.

Jets and Out Pour of Inspiration

One time this week, I was swimming in my aunt's pool and found the jet that blows the water into the pool.  As I looked at it, it reminded me of the out pour of inspiration of what is possible to us. There is a constant stream of communication from Heavenly Father down to us, all we have to do is listen, be prepare to receive it, be worthy of it, and be prepared to act upon it. As I floated around the pool it amazed how far you could be away from the jet, and yet it still is moving you around the pool, to me it seemed like once you receive inspiration and show that you doing your best to fulfill it the Holy Ghost will help do what needs to do. Then as I floated closer to the jet, I could just feel it surrounding my body, this what happens when the Holy Ghost is prompting you and guiding you. Now yes, you can block the jet of the pool, and the water is pushed in another direction, just as is inspiration, when you are unworthy of it, or when you just ignore it, the flow of commutation doesn't stop just because we're not listening, trust me I know. So we have to make sure we are always listen to the inspiration, and acting on the knowledge we receive.

Safe Havens, and Old Dreams

Safe Haven-
I find it interesting that growing up the farm was always my safe haven. It was the place I felt  and knew I was loved. Even in my death and destruction dreams, I find myself fighting on the farm. So why do I feel like it's no longer save or even the right place? Partly I feel that bringing Nicholas here, has part to do with it I no longer feel safe here because of him. After spending a week at my Aunt's and Uncle's house it was amazing how I felt. I felt safe, I could relax, and I didn't feel like I was fighting Satan as much...until it was time to come home. On Tuesday,when I was already packed and loaded my car, this feeling came over me were I knew I didn't want to go home. So we came up with an excuse to not to come home, my cousin's birthday. Then Wednesday night again Satan attacked me because I knew I was coming up and I felt like the Spirit was leaving me because of it. After, talking to Doug, I was able to work through some of why Satan is attacking me again about the farm.  It's time to get away from here.


Old Dreams-
This week I got a phone call from a massage school in Florida, and I've been looking at this school for the past 2 years. This phone call I got gave me all the information I've been seeking, the cost of tuition, classes, and courses they offer, the length of the programs. I realized the cost of the school is about what William paid at Purdue for a year. She also was very helpful about talking about the program I truly have been looking at and how it might be cheaper to go for two licencing instead of one degree, which opened up more locations I could go to school at. The thought came into my mind that massage is a dream that is now 2 years if not more, and maybe it's time for a new dream. I still haven't completely processed it at the moment, but I know that if we give up something we truly want for something that Heavenly Father wants to give us, we will be blessed for it, more than we can ever imagine. Maybe my dream was only to get me through the hard times that these last 2 years have been. Granted to I still want to study it, yes, but I'm willing to give it up and see what Heavenly Father has in store. I wasn't willing to give up my dream last fall, so why now? Granted he wasn't as supportive as he said he was of me going back to school. I really hadn't thought about not going back to school, I wanted this schooling and I was going to get it. Granted I do have another degree or two in mind also one is genealogy degree, which I think would help my family out A LOT and it's all online so I can be anywhere and taking classes, and I have a new dream that is also kind of old...Now I just have to figure out what to do with it.
I wonder if maybe the school is the old dream...I looked into some different schools in a different location, and found another one that I thought would be interesting, but I don't know about the price. They actually have a study abroad program, and gym in their school for the students to use. Which is something I've been thinking about if I was going to go back for more schooling, and they only have classes two days a week so I could work the other three days...I don't know it's all just thoughts forming in my head, and trying to come up with the right answer.

Memories transferred through tears...

Hopefully I can get my thoughts across more clearly here. lol. There is a scene in Harry Potter part 2, where tears are collected and they hold the memories of the person who cried them. That made sense to me, and hit me hard. I was taught a long time ago that my tears where weapons to be used against me, and so I stopped crying so anyone could see. A few years later I was having a conversation with a friend from Purdue, and he joked that if he died I would cry for him. I replied that I won't cry, but I realized at that time that I was crying on the inside where no one could see my tears. I never doubted that the weren't there or that I was actually hiding my pain, but if they aren't see they can't be used against me. When I was at Disney my sister had me listen to a talk by John Bytheway that talked about break ups...all I got from that talk was that every tear a girl cries because she was hurt by a guy those are going to be counted against him. That not the message my sister wanted me to get from that message. But it did get me to stop crying again. Last fall I was being yelled at realized that he was trying to get me to cry so he could use them against me, he was trying to make them a weapon.  I know that even if I cry or not they still are counted. The only tears I don't feel were weapons came after a dream, which was the first time I allowed myself to cry. Yes, my tears or lack there of hold my memories.

Fear

Even though I know that fear is the opposite of God, I still can't seem to get rid of them. I realized last night, that this is probably the hardest thing to 'let go and let God.' I want to let go of all of my fears so I can move on with my life without fear holding me back. It's the only way to truly show God that I  trust him completely. Now more than ever is the time to put our trust in God, there are so many things to fear and will continue to be, if we don't start trusting Him now when thing are at the best they may ever be for us.

Water

I am such a water baby, that 9 times out of 10 times I'll drink water over anything the only thing that can tempt me to drink something else is A&W Rootbeer, and yes, it has to be A&W. I was taught two years ago at Disney that I HAVE to have water. After months of not seeing water, I went to Downtown Disney where there is a man-made little pond. I had to stop and just stare at it, by that time in real life I would have been on the water for weeks...but at Disney this was the first time I saw it. I only made it to the beach 3 times while I was there, and I didn't swim in the pools there. Recently I had a dream where I was at a state fair??? that was huge, and I was looking for someone. I couldn't find him until, I spotted that there was water next to it, I knew he was there. See he knew I would go to the water before I left the area, since I didn't see it very often.  Yes, there are times I know I'm spoiled because the water, or my brother would say we were taught the finer things of life. This week after spending an hour in the pool everyday that I was at my aunt's and uncle's a pool will be just fine.