Just when I think...maybe something has changed so that I no longer dreaming my d&d dreams, another one happens. Most of the time I'm okay with them...well as okay as you can be when you are constantly dreaming of death and destruction, but every now and again one just hurts, or REALLY scares me. Last nights just hurts...the main character other than me, was this adorable little boy, my biological son. Having children in my d&d dreams is normal, but most times I know their not mine or are cousins, nieces or nephews. Seldon do I ever really know that it was MINE, their just children that I there to help, protect or to keep safe, but he was mine. I was trying so hard to get him to safety, somewhere away from me, to protect him...that is what I do...always. But he would go, he was young, very young, but he knew that if he caused a scene I would take him back from the person I was trying to give him to so he would be safe. I woke up just hurting because even though I didn't know why it was better for him without me I know I was trying to do the right thing for him. Then after getting up and pray about it...I realized that others are alway getting hurt in my dream how can I expect to always come out of them without endangering myself, and my children. Even if I try to protect them, there is no promise that they will be safer without me, or if I keep them with me that they'll actually be safe. I'm not in control, only running from those that would harm me. But even then God is the one would can protect me, my family, and all the other children who are always in the dreams with me. He is the only who can keep us safe in D&D.
Today at church some read Doctrine and Covenants 122:6-7: If thou art accused with all manner of false accusations; if thine enemies fall upon thee; if they tear thee from the society of thy father and mother and brethren and sisters; and if with a drawn sword thine enemies tear thee from thy bosom wife and of thine offspring and thine elder son, although but six years of age, shall cling to thine garments, and shall say, My father, my father what can't you stay with us? and if then he shall be thrust from thee, by the sword, and thou be dragged to prison, and thine enemies shall prowl around thee like wolves for the blood of the lamb; And if thou shouldst be cast into a pit, or in the hands of murderers, and a sentenced of death by passed upon thee; if thou be cast into the deep; if the billowing surge conspire against thee; if the fierce winds become thy enemy; if the heavens gather blackness, and all the elements combine to hedge up the way; and above all the very jaws of hell gape open wide after thee, know thou, my son, that all these things will give thee experience, and shall be for thy good.
With my dreams I can believe all of the first part...but I MUST remember the last part: Know thou, my daughter, that all these things will give thee experience, and shall be for thy good. I needed to hear that today, especially after that dream.
