Running away, again???

Why do I feel that it's what I'm really doing instead of helping out my sister? It's not like I have any reason to believe what I want would actually happen. In fact, it probably wouldn't but in my head I've built it up into something when in fact it's nothing. Yet, instead of facing what I want I'm taking the chance to leave, because I have no reason to refuse. It's not like I have a job to stay for and don't have the confidence to actually look for one, I don't have a place to stay where I would look for a job. So I'll move to a place where there is a possibility for jobs, and a place to stay. A place a few weeks ago, I felt so right. So am I running away...or running toward something. That is really what I want, it's what I wanted when I was there to not have to come home. But to find a job, go to school...and to have a reason to stay, just ONE reason to belong SOMEWHERE, instead of just existing or going through the motions of something like life. I've been looking for a way and reason to return. Praying for a way to help my sister, not sure how, but hoping I can. Now I just have to make it happen ALL of it job, schools, helping her, going to the temple, doing genealogy work and maybe even being a temple worker...just because I'm closer and don't have to make such a long drive to do it. Maybe this will help me, and finish healing me so next time I'll actually face the music instead of running away or actually live in reality instead of inside my head.